Why don’t astronauts take anything seriously? They don’t grasp the gravity of the situation…

I just started reading “Codependency for dummies” I can’t put it down.

What did Groot say when he had amnesia? Am I Groot? (Credit to my 7year old son)

Boobs What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up or people will think we’re nuts!

What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common? They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

[NSFW] I got an awesome handjob from my barber after my haircut Just one of the many benefits to cutting your own hair

After sitting in the labor and delivery waiting room chairs for 12 hours, I need an epidural as much as those women in labor do.

I dropped a piece of cheese on the airplane and i know it rolled forward and some piece of shit in first class is enjoying it now

I enjoy cereal so much.. I enjoy cereal so much that I started incorporating it into other aspects of my life. For example, I don’t get blue balls, I get Grape-Nuts.

My mate with Tourettes was cured after walking into a Gay Bar “Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!” He shouted…. He’s not said a word since..!!