If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.

A Blind Man Walks Into A Bar Then Into a Table, Then Into A Bar Stool…….

What’s the difference between Adolf Hitler and Usain Bolt? Usain Bolt can actually finish a race.

My dentist hit me in the mouth… …he really hurt my fillings.

What type structural support do you make out of phone books? A call-em

Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks today

What’s Bernie Sanders favorite Christmas Carols? deck the halls with boughs of free cash

Caucasian Half-Cauc, Half-Asian

Overly Polite Twins Why were the overly polite twins almost never born? “After you.” “No, after you.”

Last Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a Jack Daniels t-shirt having previously told me she enjoyed encounters with spirits. She looked angry and said “I’m a medium” Bullshit!! XXL fit her perfect!