What do you call a man with his hand up a horse’s ass? An Amish mechanic.

What’s the difference between your mom and my computer? I can still turn your mom on.

How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello? Konichihuahua

What do you call three Trumpies? Drei rot.

There are two kinds of countries in this world. Those who use the metric system. And those who have landed a man on the moon.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field

Doctor: I’m sorry, but your Dad’s in a coma. Teen: Huh? Doctor: He’s in airplane mode now. Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!

Dear Abby, I want to run over my neighbor with my SUV. How can I do that without raising my insurance rates?

Mariage is like deck of cards At first its like a diamond and heart. Then it turns into a club and spade.

So i made a joke about paper.. but it was tearable