Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven because they wouldn’t let you in because you’re terrible?

No hedgehogs were harmed in the making of this short movie ‘Ripping the Legs Off a Hedgehog So He Looks Like a Pinecone’.

Two blondes in a hole Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?” The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”

Today I ended a long term relationship. I don’t really care though, it wasn’t mine.

What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs? Condescending

Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet? Because they can’t stop saving their work.

How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs? He hires Santa’s elves during the off-season.

Did you hear about the monkey lawyer who kept throwing his shit at the witnesses? He’s been transferred to a different branch.

Daisy: how are you Gatsby: great