I Ordered Pizza From OP Pizza… Turns out they don’t deliver.

BlackBerry: being significantly less obvious than a magazine to carry into the office shitter since 2002.

I hate that random song you hear in the morning and gets stuck in your head all day long.

So what are you doing today?? “So what are you doing today?” – “Nothing.” – “What the heck, you were doing nothing the whole day yesterday!” – “That’s right, and I’m not finished yet.”

What do all murderer’s have in common? they all have killer personalities

Not all wood floats Natalie wood, for example.

My friend asked me if I wanted to watch Countdown with them “What’s that?”, I replied, “Dracula’s retarded brother?”

What did the Jewish child molester say to the kid? Hey kid, do you want to buy some candy?

What animals do you bring to bed? Your calves.

Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are sold for a couple of dollars, and deer nuts can be found under a buck.