Found an old Tom Jones CD and my underwear drawer flew wide open and all my undies threw themselves at my stereo.

What was Hitler’s least favorite sauce? Jus

I just read an article in the newspaper about how 60% of adults still live with their parents. I was like “OMG Mum did you read this???”

I never understood why it was popular in AOL chatrooms back in the day to ask if others had neurodegenerative diseases…. Squishyquake81: “Hi, ASL”

What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe you idiot! Breathe!”

Commented on a woman’s french manicure. “I like your tips” …let’s just say she didn’t hear me correctly.

What do gay jazz musicians play? The ballsax.

An Atheist Walks Into A Bar… An Atheist walks into a bar with God, Thor, and Zeus. The bartender looks at him and says “Drinking alone again, I see…”

Mum, where do I hang the clothes. The hanging line’s gone. Son, just hang them in the gallows. No one would know.