What’s the difference between a feminist studies major and a bench? A bench can support a family.

Just popped in to say I’m considering switching to Depends. I’m not having a problem, but new underpants everyday!

Why can Warren Buffet pull great stock tips out of his ass? He has a tickertapeworm!

What do you call that useless skin around the penis? A man….

What did they call the Mexican cleaning robot? Aye CaRoomba

How do you help a choking pig? With the Ham-Lick maneuver of course

Not to brag, but I can usually tell if meat has spoiled between 4-6 hours after eating it.

Could somebody please explain “free range” eggs? These chickens aren’t even born yet. I’d kind of rather they be stationary.

Today I bought some shoes from my local drug dealler.. I don’t know what they’re laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day

Trump getting elected after Obama was not what they meant by Orange is the New Black