Mary was in the prophet making business

A Mexican, a Jewish, and an American walk into a bar… Bartender asked, “is this a joke?”

Dijon vu The feeling you’ve eaten this mustard before.

We can land a rover on freakin Mars but still no single-button to push for the _()_/ emoji

If she calls me lazy again, I swear I’ll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed.

Why did the melon plan a big elaborate wedding? Because he cantaloupe.

Why’d the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him? It was an emergent sea.

What has two legs and is bleeding all over the fucking rug? Half a dog

What is the worst part about being a black jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven.

Broke Last night, a burglar broke into my flat looking for some money. I woke up and went with him to join him in the search.