Anyone who doesn’t believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.

I got my sister a T-shirt and a dildo… That way, if she doesn’t like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language? An American.

What do you call a sad watermelon? melancholy

I think I’ll go to church this morning. I need to repent all my sins & pray for the neighbors wife to covet me.

I started a fertilizer store but but got sued by Apple Inc. They patented selling overpriced shit for fruits.

All panties aside, it’s Friday.

Who decided to call it a proctologist and not an analyst?

Mom wants to meet her Son’s Girlfriend Mom :- Son, I would like to meet your Girlfriend. Son:- Me Too…. (Being Single)

Wanna know why donald trump considers my penis a muslim? Because i bomb the pussy