For the english – What do you call a girl with 2 cunts? NdubZ

What did the muslim woman say to her new fiance? Jihad me at hello.

Why was the phone wearing glasses?… Because it lost all its contacts!

How does Harry Potter go down a hill? By walking. JK. Rowling.

My husband had to sign a form stating he understands his mother’s cremation is nonreversible. I weep for our species.

Are people who write “prolly” rather than “probably” just lazy, completely illiterate, or do they actually think that’s a word?

I overheard some women saying that guys who drive expensive cars have small penises Me: M’am, that’s very inaccurate, because I drive a very INEXPENSIVE car, and I also have a small penis.

A real Picasso painting declared a forgery by a fake authenticator… …is art officially artificial according to an artificial art official.

BARISTA: I have an order for…God? Is there a God? [no one answers] ATHEIST: Haha told ya GOD: *exiting bathroom* Sorry I’m here ATH: Shit

Just had a very thorough pat-down by a TSA agent. Now he wants to talk about my feelings, but I’m soooo sleepy.