I stubbed my toe while visiting my parents. “Mother fucker!” My dad pops up, “Hey! We agreed that you’ll stop calling me that and I’ll stop calling you ‘cunt squatter.’”

What’s Jared Fogles favourite Vietnamese cocktail? Sum yung gai

Shouldn’t all ghosts be naked?? It’s not like your clothes die too…

Amputees can be pretty stubborn. You’ve really got to hand it to them.

Knock, knock… .. Who’s there? Buster Buster who? Buster cherry, where’s ya daughter?

The other day I went to the zoo All I saw was a dog. It was a shitzu

My buddy has tried to stop speaking in such a deep southern accent he’s going through withdrawls

Im excited to have Tubman on the twenty So we can use black people as currency again

“It doesn’t say anywhere that you have to EAT them, you see,” I explain to the Olive Garden waitress as my breadstick kingdom adds a library

How do you call it when a girl kicks a boy in the groin during the first date? Premature emasculation.