Hear about the Donald’s “high energy” masturbation kit? Tweezers and a magnifying glass.

What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn’t been viewed by anyone yet? Remains to be seen.

did you hear the one about the deaf guy? niether did he.

My dad everyone… Dad: U at home? Me: No. Dad: Where? Me: Hairdresser. Dad: Aaahhh. They putting pants an blouse on ur hair ? Get it. Hair dresser. Lol Ugh.

My ex-wife still misses me… …BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or you can help your uncle jack off a horse

I tried phone sex last night Safe to say, I would prefer if you didn’t call me during working hours until it goes flat.

What’s a Liberal Arts Major’s Favorite Board Game?…… Trivial Pursuit.

What do you do when you stumble upon a one-armed Polish man stuck in a tree? You wave!

How do I like eggs? Ummm…in a cake!