What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch? Namaste

What’s a Mexican’s favorite assignment? Ese’s(Essays)

Your words of wisdom make me want to seek the tranquility and comfort of a mental institution.

If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after.

Malaysia Airlines passengers have recently been asked about their flight experience; 5% said they were satisfied. 10% said they were extremely satisfied and 85% said they were blown away.

I think I can fix one of your ripped shirts. Well sew it seams anyway.

Favorite lame DAD joke

So I had a dream last night about eating breakfast. It was pretty *surreal.*

Why did the dumb girl have a painfull bellybutton? Her boyfriend isn’t the smartest one either.

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s wearing solely underpants made from cling film… The psychiatrist says ‘Well, I can clearly see your nuts!’