wouldn’t be arguing…

I was playing with my new toaster in the bathtub today when I read the warning label and it said not to. I was shocked.

Roses are red… Violets are violet, That guy who hit that skyscraper was a really bad pilot.

The less people you chill with, the less bullshit you deal with.

What do you call Bruce Lee’s mom when she’s making obvious statements? A parent, Lee.

This might sound crazy, but I have proof the CIA is putting chips in people’s brains. I think they’re Pringles.

You guys hear that Atheists don’t get taxed? Apparently they are a non-prophet organization

What did the Klansman say to the Muslim? Psst…Who washes your … sheets?

How do you tell if a chick’s too fat to f*ck? When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.

A baby seal walked into a club ba dum tss