*Ahem, ahem* So… A needle pulling thread…

Columbus thought he landed in the Far East. But he landed in the Far West by occident.

Did you hear about that car company having to shut down? It was a saab story.

What does a sheepdog say when he sees something shady going down? “Let’s get the flock out of here”

My girlfriend is like Windows… She’s 10.

Can’t believe tomorrow is Take Your Alcohol to Work Day.

What body of water is used for writing? The Apostrosea.

Houseguests should have a mandatory bedtime.

An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. I know because they posted it repeatedly on Facebook.

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.