What did Einstein’s dad say when he published his theory of relativity? Damn, son. It’s about time!

Just read an amazing book called “Zero Gravity” I couldn’t put it down!

I like my women the way I like my wine 8 years old and locked in my cellar

Password. “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”

Computers seized from Wiener prompt new FBI investigations. In her defense, Bill Clinton said it’s not the first time she was betrayed by a Wiener.

If she didn’t reply to any of your 20 texts, she probably doesn’t have good cell service. Definitely don’t stop texting her

I was sold a calculator with the plus button missing. Something doesn’t quite add up.

There is a band called 1023 MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet though.

Hey baby, Heaven must be missing an angle because you’re kindacute.

My wife came in and yelled “What are these clothes on the floor?”…… “A dead Jedi” I replied