Kill the time Teacher – How did our grandparents kill time without smartphones or Internet? Smart student – i’ve already asked this question to my mum, her 5 brothers and 7 sisters…

[Jack Black’s birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. “How is Rock School going dear?” It’s School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.

Just shoveled my sidewalk My neighbors dogs didn’t seem too appreciative with all their barking and yapping. Or maybe they fucking loved it and I just don’t speak dog very well.

It’s so cute. My kids always say “I want to help you, Daddy!” because they don’t know the word “hinder”.

Drugs are great until they fall into the wrong hands. I am referring, of course, to the cops or people who don’t enjoy life.

What do you get when you breed a rabbit with an elephant? A dead rabbit with a beat-up asshole.

I like my women like I like my cod Battered

How do you catch a green elephant? Paint him red and catch him with the red elephant trap.

Lesbian vampires What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month.

The clock was bored of his tick-tock… …so he changed to a better tack-tick.