So I finally decided to read one of Freud’s books today… It’s been shitting on my self for awhile now.

My fake ID is so good, bars never suspect I’m not an organ donor.

Hellen Keller walks into a bar Then a table, then a chair

What’s an incestuous mother’s favourite drink? Sonny-D

I was getting a blowjob and I told the girl to treat my dick like a jolly rancher…. and keep on sucking.

Women do not want to hear what you think..nnThey want to hear what they think..nnIn a deeper voice……

What did the Asian pirate do when he saw a crowd? He fry through it!

My boss just said, “Everyone dies alone.” I told him, “you don’t have to die alone, just get in your car and aim for a school bus.”

CHINA: how can we fix our economic problems??? GERMANY: how do we reestablish our engineering reputation??? USA: OH MY GOD RAT WITH A PIZZA

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. Turns out my customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.