R.I.P boiled water… You will be mist

What kind of beef are you most likely to catch masturbating? Stroganoff

One thing that watching cartoons have taught us. Gravity only works if you look down.

My girlfriend is such a procrastinator She never finishes

Apple is working on an electronic seeing device for the Navy It’s going to be called the I-Eye Captain

I like my coffee like I like my women From a third world country and covered in cream

What happens when 2 meets 3 at Times Square? 36

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who stayed up all night debating the existence of Dog?

Helen Keller walks into a bar…. And then a table. And then a chair. Another table….

Politics informs every aspect of my life. It affects how much money I have, how I spend it, and my work itself. Sorry, not politics. Pokemon