What did the eye say to the other eye? Something smells between us.

On a scale of 1-10, you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need

I want to give my ex a great Valentines present to show him how much I still care. I think I’ll go all out and buy him a Toyota.

Police arrest two kids. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

All microwaveable popcorn packages should be accompanied by dental floss

Self-Love Joke When I was at the zoo, I couldn’t figure out why a monkey was staring at me with its hand between its legs. Then it came to me.

Why did Plato’s worst student always have stuff stuck in his teeth? He didn’t understand Flossophy!

How much money do porn stars make? A fuckload.

How to make your ears pop? Try some sparkly earrings.

I saw someone use “Terrierist” instead of “Terrorist” and I don’t know whether I should be afraid of my dogs or not.