I like my underwear the way i like my Ronda Rousey fights Boxer brief

What is the definition of a ‘double standard’? If a girl sleeps with a ton of guys she is a slut, but if a guy does it, he is a homosexual.

So Aaron Hernandez is going to prison… He’s going in a tight end, and coming out a wide receiver.

Did you hear about the flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage? It was a murder most foul.

I Hate Housework! I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes …and six months later you have to start all over again.

Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Q: What is the clumsiest bee? A: A bumbling bee.

Hey all Hot Girls. I’m starting to think that all your phone numbers don’t start with a 555-

Schools kind of like a penis.. long and hard, unless you’re asian.

Piss off the DJ by dancing the Macarena to all his music.