What does a jello shot and my dick have in common? They’re both only meant to be consumed by dumb drunk chicks.

Want to hear a joke about nitric oxide? NO

I was just unfollowed by a guy with 10,349 tweets & 38 followers…I’m thinking that’s the same guy at the park that talks to all the pigeons

Cahoots Husband comes home at night, goes to bed to his wife, embraces her – going to make love with her… Wife drowsily: *What are you all today – in cahoots or something?*

Melania Trump released a statement about the alleged plagiarism. These accusation really hurt me, and my kids. Sasha and Malia.

I have a phobia of German sausages… I fear the Wurst.

I pulled a girl in a nightclub last night. She said “What the fuck are you doing” and walked back out.

What college did the eyeball go to? ICU.

Do you know why the “deez nuts” guy is in prison? He’s nuts.

Who would survive if Trump and Clinton both were stranded on a island? America