My grandma still doesn’t need glasses… My grandma is over 80 years old and still doesn’t need glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle.

Why are Fencers so popular on /r/Jokes? Because they do well with Ripostes.

Don’t bother putting your hand over my mouth to shut me up, I will lick you.

How does Trent Reznor’s mom hang up his Christmas stocking? With a Nine Inch Nail.

Why couldn’t the beaver cook his twigs? He only had Non-Stick pans.

What has nine arms and sucks? Your mom on Def Leppard’s tour bus.

Why did black beard kill his first mate? He kept singing, “your ho, your ho, a pirate’s wife for me”

Q: What did the Irish farmer say to his cow when it climbed onto the roof of his barn? A: Get off.

What are the advantages to living in Switzerland? Their flag is a big plus.

What did Pippin Took do when he was drunk? He began to feel Merry.