A guy at work fell into our upholstery machine a week ago Don’t worry, he’s fully re-covered

Did you hear about the Aggie that moved to Oklahoma? Raised the I.Q. of both states.

What do you call a cat who takes a shortcut in a race? A Cheetah.

I like to put grilled chicken in my egg and cheese stuffed breakfast burrito… Nothing warms my heart and stomach more than reuniting a mother and child.

using microsoft word *moves an image 1 mm to the left* all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.

What do you call the Knight who started the Round Table? Sir Cumference!

What is Santa Claus’ favorite metal band? Sleigher

The cops showed up earlier saying my dog was chasing some kid on a bike.. I was like that’s ridiculous, my dog can’t ride a bike

Have you heard of the hysterical TIE fighter squadron? … lol lol lol lol …

Daughter text me from upstairs..come here and bring your glasses..that can only mean one thing…we are about to make fun of people on FB…