Why did the greek philosopher break in two? He was made out of Plato

How long do you have to wait between naps?

I’m surprised more black people don’t relate with NASCAR… After all, there are no rights

What kind of nuts go on your feet? *Sigh*… Cashews.

How do trees browse the internet? They log in.

The constant challenge of modern relationships: how to prove more interesting than the other’s smartphone.

If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”

(sheepishly putting my arm around pitbull) so is there a mrs worldwide

My mom’s favorite internet game is “Log me into the Facebook. Is this the Facebook? Is that your brother? Why is he drinking upside down?”

If zombies ever do attack, I’ll just skip coffee that morning. They’ll leave me alone because they’ll think I’m one of them.