Kristen Stewart is proof that if you’re making a face and someone slaps you on the back it will get stuck like that forever.

Why did you get a tattoo? Because tatthrees were too expensive.

Why does America spell some words differently? They said “We can do it without u, Britain.”

Psychic fellatio It’ll blow your mind

Why Marxists are not good at object-oriented programming? They don’t get the concept of classes!

What’s a redneck’s favorite dating website? Ancestry.com

My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world’s biggest loser, he’d still only win 2nd place.

Jokes are like food… Not everyone gets it.

Ellen Pao walked into a bar The bar bent. Bartender served her 3 sets of jumbo meals. Bartender had to repair the door.

My mother in law:did you put the weight on? Me:no…actually I’ve lost some. You should have seen me month ago. I looked like you