My friend Victor changed his last name to “E”. No one knows why. He’s become a Mystery.

Did you guys hear!? Easter is cancelled! Yep, they found the body. Go home boys.

how do you hide from hitler? Standstill…. he can nazi.

*releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You’re free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird

My friend asked me how I became so confident, I told him I play Russian roulette every morning… RIP Larry.

What 20th century composer would make the best bartender? Philip Glass. (fill up glass)

Who won the first Tour de France? The 7th German Panzer division

Since 1782, at the age of 12, Beethoven was composing some of the greatest music ever, of course since 1827 all he has been doing is decomposing.

Remember that time when you didn’t call, & a giraffe round house kicked your neck, & you fell off a merry-go-round & died?nnSo sad. Really.

How do you find out if a dead man has autism? You give them an autopsy