A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know, I amputated your arms!”

Today is Compliment Someone Randomly Day. And may I just say that this paper bag would go beautifully with that outfit you’re wearing.

Me: We need to go. 11: Go without me. 7: Sometimes when parents go without their kids, they get arrested, and I can’t let that happen.

How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion.

When I tell jokes my friends call me a faggot but I suppose it’s just because they think i’m a bundle of shticks.

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans.

I wish I was 7’9″ so my BMI would be normal

Any wedding can be a fairy tale wedding if you serve porridge and release three angry bears into the reception hall

Whats the Difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt? Bolt can finish a race

Wanna hear a joke about potassium? K