Guy at the park who just put out his cigar and started doing tai chi is my new fitness guru.

How do you make a Jewish omelette First off all Borrow 6 eggs.

There is a new app. that tells you how smarter your dog is. Here’s how it works :- If you bought the app. your dog is smarter than you.

How do painters stay warm? They add another coat.

So a guy walks in on his daughter masterbating with a cucumber. “SICK!” he said. “I was going to eat that…. Now it’s going to taste like cucumber.”

I just got out of school and landed my first full-time job! I could have sworn I made more money in college… working for my parents… as their son.

If the cure for AIDS could get you high, we’d figure it out in about a week.

Organs are like onions If you cut them in half you will probably cry

Two robots discuss beauty They both come to the conclusion that magnets are really attractive

Did you hear about the anesthesiologist with giant breasts? She’s a knockout.