What do you call a black man in space? An Astronaut you racist!

So Lady Gaga wears a tin foil hat and sings with Elton John and people clap I do it and you’re all “This is Barnes and Noble, please leave?

The past, present and future walk into a bar It was tense

You know why I drink apple juice? Because OJ will kill you

My friends all judge me for being a heroin addict… I guess they just don’t like strong women

My friend stole my Atlas and won’t give it back. Seriously it’s the world to me.

Got trapped in a bidding war for a house with a lengthy corridor I’m in it for the long hall

What do you call a fish with no eyes ? Fish !

I walked past an electronics store once… I saw a TV for sale in the window. The sticker said, “TV for sale, volume stuck on full, $1” I thought to myself, “Wow. I can’t turn that down.”

Experience is a cruel teacher. It gives a test before presenting the lesson.