What’s the best part of eating a burrito? Every time you fart, you lose weight.

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? “Cause you’re fatter than they are.”

How do you fit 5,000 Jews into a Volkswagen? Two in the front, three in the back and the rest in the ashtray.

Why are feminists so good at Street Fighter V? Because they are always V-triggered

“Nope, there is no i in team.” -Pat Sajak, accidentally giving away the puzzle

The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?

What do holiday parties and after school clubs have in common? They both feature Chess nuts!

Knock knock Who’s there? Mike jones Mike jones who? Mike jones, who?Mike jones, who? Mike jones

Man, these hotcakes are selling like themselves.

There are two types of people. Those who have sex daily And those who don’t have dyslexia