What do you get when you mix an octopus with a black guy? Idk but it sure as hell can pick cotton

Death When a family member unexpectedly dies, what’s the proper waiting period before removing their stick figure from the back of the minivan?

You don’t see much in a small town … but what you hear makes up for it. [Source](http://www.dougwils.com/Chrestomathy/no-kidding.html)

No Sopa… Radio?

*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don’t waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food.

What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear? An algae bra.

I was raised by wolves I was then lowered by bears They really should only have one species of animal operating these cranes

So there’s this girl named Mary… 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph 2. Mary ends up pregnant 3. ??? 4. Prophet

ELI5: Women

I have better things to do with my time than my job.