After watching all of M. Night Shyamalan’s movies I realized the biggest twist… …his career has been dead the whole time.

Would you like some salt? Na.

What is the most popular soda in candy land? Lolli-pop

Why is Apple donating money to cancer research? “Cancer stole our jobs!”

“Wait, it wasn’t us? Are you sure?” – Fox News

If you want to know how Irish my family is, my parents don’t have a liquor cabinet, they have a liquor closet Right next to the beer fridge

What do you call it when Kony drinks too much? Cognac

Why Do Ranchers Love Getting A Sore Throat? Because they always get a little hoarse

Anyone who claims on the internet that the President is a Communist, should be forced to spend a year in 1934 Siberia.

What is the difference between a epileptic corn husker and a prostitute with diarrhea? The epileptic corn husker shucks between fits.