I can’t love you. I’m still in love with a girl I saw in a toothpaste ad 15 yrs ago. She winced when she ate ice cream, I can’t abandon her.

Why were the boy and girl melons depressed? Because they can’t elope.

Isaac Newton’s friend was 16 minutes late the first time they met. At their second meeting, the friend was 8 minutes late. At this rate, said Newton, “you’ll never be on time.”

What does priest stand for Paedophile representative in every small town

What’s the difference between Texas and stupid? Nothing.

I asked a Mexican man how he was voting in the next election. He was on the fence.

Why are politicians different from prostitutes? With prostitutes, the more money you pay the more you’ll get fucked.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a battery? Batteries have a positive side! inspired by: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2zlrot/how_many_feminists_does_it_take_to_change_a/

I’m not real good about sharing my feelings unless I hate you.

Me: what do you want for breakfast? 7: a bowl of sugar Me too kid, me too