Read an article that said Google is making us dumber. whatever, I’ve always used Google and I’m super [googles synonym for smart] able.

What’s an sjw’s favorite subject? Triggerednometry

Shout out to the people who are wondering what the opposite of in is.

Why did the roadkill cross the road? Because somebody FINALLY turned on the lights.

Cash or credit? Did you just assume my tender??

“Dad, I cant sleep.” Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. “Dad Im seven-” Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS.

What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common? They all died in Tennessee

Tripods with two legs I can’t stand them.

Why didn’t the little girl finish her lollipop? She was hit by a bus

Wife asked what was on the TV… I said “dust”. That’s when the fight started.