“Ninja kills Mime” Nobody heard about it

Just passed a guy wearing a “#1 Dad” T-shirt. On my way home now to ask my kids what the fuck.

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will have eternal life” But John came in fifth and won a toaster.

Only in SF: people checking into the riot on Foursquare.

I pet my dog and she started to purr. Thought I should lay off the drugs until I realized the cat was sitting behind her.

What did the fly say to the second man on the moon? Buzz…..

How do you disappoint a Redditor? [deleted]

Why was Jokeexplainbot angry? Because someone was pushing his buttons!

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.

Jumping Off A Building Two men, one black and one white, jump off a building, which one arrives first on the floor? A: The white one. The black man was busy stealing the air conditioners.