I always go the extra mile for my wife Ever since she took out that restraining order

I came into some money yesterday. I couldn’t find the tissues.

[1st day as undercover cop] *approaches drugdealer* Me: “Yes hello I’d like to purchase one crack and two marijuanas please!” *gets stabbed*

Why are all of the accountants supporting Hillary Clinton? They want to save 20%.

One time I shot a gun… And the gun died!

My doctor said I can get back to my college weight if I simply go for a brisk three hundred mile walk each morning.

What is brown and rhymes with Snoop Dr. Dre

Scared the hell out of a stranger by sayin’ “good morning” to ’em. That’s a thing people used to do. Google it

An Italian and a Jew go into business together, who looses? the government

I was going to tell a joke about sodium But Na