Rules for wearing animal print yoga pants: 1. Weigh less than the animals they represent 2. 3.

I had a dream about you saving my life! A poison snake bit my dick…

rachel ray and the hulk have a baby muppet cookey monster

What is pink and has seven dents in it? Snow White’s virginity.

What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza? A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

Where do Eggs keep their holidays pictures? In a photo albumen…

Fun Fact: When you die, someone will feel inconvenienced that your funeral is on a particular day. lol

What do bees who are allergic to honey get? Hives.

I start a lot of conversations with “goodbye” in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.

They’ll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it’s a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot