I’ve been training for the masturbation world record. I’m gonna beat it.

What does a man with a 10 inch dick have for breakfast? Well, this morning I had bacon, eggs, juice…

How do you make a woman scream twice? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on her curtains.

Why can’t your penis be 12 inches? Because then it’d be a foot

About delete my Facebook account, I hope Stacey and Heather from the 3rd grade can handle the rejection.

What animal gets applauded? The mosquito.

Why do abusive clowns make good comedians? They just hit you funny.

How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, one to hold the ladder and the other to screw the mother.. LIGHTBULB!

What do you call a gay Eskimo ? I dunno, but he’s the only one in my tribe…

This is what I told my nephew when he said he wanted to be a videogame journalist when he grew up The only thing worse than a job in video games or journalism is a job in videogame journalism