Knock Knock Who’s there? Aren’t you glad I didn’t say banana?

Guess what New york is going as for Halloween? New Orleans!

Give me a massage “Mm okay” *rubs oil all over her* *things get hot* *things get too hot* *she bursts into flames* “Dang I used petroleum”

[tsunami approaches] Me: At last I will feel oblivion’s sweet embrace. Tsunami (inexplicably reversing): I have a boyfriend.

Aww… Nuts What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts What do you call nuts on your chin? Dick in your mouth *I’ll see myself out…*

Two hats on a hat hanger, one says to the other…. You go on ahead.

Turns out exposing yourself to different cultures just gets you arrested in multiple countries.

How do you make a little boy cry twice when your finished wipe your dick on his favourite teddy bear

I also like my coffee like i like my slaves. Hand-picked from a third world country. …I’ll show myself out.

Women are like necklaces They strangle me when i try to sleep with ’em.