[interrupts brain surgeon] yes, but I read on Web MD that

911,What’s your emergency? Me: I think it’s a heart attack 911: Can you call back when you’re sure, we’re watching Walking Dead

What Kind of Motorcycles do Lesbians ride? Chowasaki. – Pat H.

How did the guy from Kentucky find his sister in the woods? Pretty good!

I woke up this morning to find Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid…I was petrified.

Babe, can u vacuum a Chess board into the carpet again? the guys r here for a lifesize game *guys standing around in armor & kings outfits*

Do you want to know a good Jewish wine? Ma, when are we going to Miami?

I’m a homeless romantic

I’m already 14 yrs old Dad! why don’y you buy me a bra? Shut up Peter!

What did 50 cent’s grandma say to him when he gave her a hand woven scarf for mother’s day? G u knit?