Yo’ mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.

How do you know if you have amnesia? I don’t know.

I just want someone to like me. Not you. I meant someone pretty.

A guy is at the doctors… The doctor tells him “we’re gonna need a stool sample, urine sample and a semen sample.” The guy says “Doc, I’m kinda in a hurry, can’t you just take my underwear?”

I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character And not the President of the United States.

Why is divorce so expensive? Who cares?? It’s worth it!

Now I’m not saying that your new girlfriend is a slut.. but Bermuda Triangle has swallowed fewer seamen.

Why do black people put their garbage in clear trash bags? So the Mexicans can window shop.

What did the cowboy say upon entering the German dealership? “Audi”

What’s in common with jam and cream? I can jam and cream my dick up your ass.