Why didn’t Chris Brown make any headphones? He definitely knows how to make a good beat. I will show myself out.

Just because it’s Friday the 13th, people seem to think that horrible things are going to happen, like another shitty horror movie being released.

Two peanuts were walking through the bush… One was assaulted.

Why didn’t the proctologist show up for work? He had two cars, but he rectum both.

Today I read this book about Alzheimer’s It was about Alzheimer’s.

I beat a Prius today… Thank goodness I had on my running shoes.

The doctor says to the old man “Sir, i see what the problem is. You’ve got a suppository stuck in your ear!” And the old man says, “well, now i know what happened to my hearing aid!”

Bernie Sanders was going to do a parody of Trump’s slogan for his campaign but “Make America Bern Again” didn’t go over well with marketing.

What did the guy who burglarized the German bakers store at Christmas find out. All of his cookies were Stollen.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!, I’m gay.