I put my middle finger up as soon as I start driving, and if another driver does something really good, I take it down for a second.

Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked.

Just finished a book about an immortal pet dog. I couldn’t put it down.

Fax? Why don’t you just send it over on a dinosaur?

Reddit went down for me… that was the most boring poop ever

What is a horses favourite kind of party? A stall ball.

If you’re looking to learn how to get rich, I recommend reading this book How to get rich, by Robin Banks.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing But you mean your mother…….I mean another

Vine is shutting down I might actually make more in a year than a vine star does in a week.

I wonder if girls on dates in the 1800’s got mad at guys for checking their treasure maps.