I have erectile dysfunction, and I’m constipated. My doctor prescribed me Viagra and Ex-lax… Now I don’t know if I’m coming or going!

seems like you must have been preeeetty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s

Athiesgasm What would an atheist say while having an orgasm? OH MY NOTHING

what did the locomotive conductor crave once he became a zombie? traaaiins…

What’s the difference between a seal and a sealion? An extra electron

But Honey, if I stop eating this third bowl of Cap’n Crunch just because the roof of my mouth is bleeding, then the terrorists have won.

what’s better than roses on your piano? tulips on your organ.

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

The teacher asks her 6th graders: “Can anyone tell me the definition of relative humidity?” Johnny: “The sweat on your balls when you’re fucking your cousin!”

What happened when the Italian Chef Died He Pasta Way