Don’t be easy to get because you’ll be easy to forget.

What did the wall say the the other wall Meet you at the corner

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ? Fowl play !

Can you just bear with me for a moment? *grabs salmon out of stream. bites head off. hibernates.*

What’s the most popular game at a nursing home? Guess who

I never really liked gravity… … It’s always bringing me down.

I just made my Chiropractor’s day by calling him Doctor in front of his mom.

Drugs are never the answer kids. Unless the question is “why have you been checking under the carpet for lizards for 3 days straight?”

“I’m proud of all the Twitter followers you’ve accumulated.” – none of our parents

How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the beach