Fun fact for you… 5 out of 4 people don’t understand ratios…

What’s the difference between three dicks and a joke? Your momma can’t take a joke.

Text from husband: Where are you at? Me: Before I tell you let’s talk about ending sentences with prepositions.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.

A friend and me were arguing over whether masterbation is better with lube or not . . . different strokes for different folks, I guess. (I think I came up with that but I’m not sure)

If you punch a hippie, and a cop arrests you… Would you get arrested for disturbing the peace?

A joke I just made… “I just invented a new word… plagiarism”

What is Donald Trump’s favourite Olympics event? Fencing.

How does a cat tell time?? In meowers

Where’s the best place to weigh a pie? [*singing*] Some-where over the rain-bow… Weigh a pie.