Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she’s old enough. If it isn’t cut the barrel down a bit.

Anyone else bite their bottom lip and make a noise when inserting your headphone plug? Me neither.

I went to see an inflatable marching band I was excited at first, but when I got there they turned out to be pretty flat….

What did Anakin say to Padme right before they had sex? Let’s see those Naboobies.

When I see a door with the sign ‘Door Alarmed’ I always tell the door “don’t worry, it’s only me” ~ It’s all about the empathy.

Which of the Knights of the Round Table actually created the round table? Circumference.

Two cannibals are eating a clown… One looks up at the other and says “does this taste funny to you?”

What do you call 2 crackers arguing? White noise.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

if you come into a restroom & announce that you’ve “had to piss for two hours” I’d better hear a strong, frothy stream for at least a minute