What do you call a violent Buddhist? A Zero.

What sound does an octopus make? A squid word.

My ex wife is going through pms, I know this because my car is on fire.

A bottle of food coloring jumped off a building… It dyed.

Are you having trouble finding your kids’ name’s on bottles of Coca Cola? Then I bet you wish you’d given them proper names instead of thinking you were clever by calling them Lake and Destiny.

Where did the suicide bomber go when he died? EVERYWHERE!

Sometimes “4 star hotel” means 4 porn stars have stayed there. In the same room. At the same time. With a camera crew. And a goat.

The President of Nintendo Died… The ambulance went WII U, WII U, WII U

Today my engineering final exam friend please pray for me all is well. hhhhhhhhhh it’s joke my wife birth a baby so it’s my engineering

How do you get your dog to come? Fuck it.