I swear to drunk im not Patrick.

Before the wedding I have loved all the women on earth, after the wedding one woman less.

What comes out my ass and smells like shit? The jokes on this subreddit

Got so drunk last night I woke up on a sidewalk this morning and rolled under a parked car so I could continue sleeping in the shade.

If six years of marriage has taught me anything its that couches are surprisingly comfortable to sleep on.

*sir mix a lot voice* i like big butts and i’m sad inside

France beat the Germans 2-0 but the terrorists have them at like 50-3

What do you call a gay dinosaur? A Megasaurass

I have a sister named Virginia… We called her Virgin for short, but not for long!

I feel bad for people without arms… … They can’t rapidly take off their bottoms when they need to take a massive dump.